Sight-seeing Sunday

To set the tone for the next seven mornings…. I woke up with horror to the sound of the morning knock on the door. It took another twenty minutes of lying in bed in complete disbelief, until I tentatively swiveled out a leg and put one foot on the cold floor. My clever technique of showering the night before, in order to sleep longer, unfortunately has one major disadvantage. Instead of the usual half an hour to wake up, when I don’t blast myself with water it takes three. I selected a random assortment of clothes (with as few clothes as I have, not that much can really go wrong) and stumbled downstairs.

“Breakfast included”.
I stared sadly at my two dry crusts of bread. They obstinately resisted being eaten, preferring instead to stick to the roof of my mouth, behind a gum, etc. The only good thing about the dry bread was that it was an excuse to eat Nutella, as otherwise there would have been no energy content at all.

This posed an interesting challenge, considering my front teeth don’t meet properly and the bread was very, very chewy. If I wanted any hope of getting a piece, I had to use my back teeth. I tried every angle in the book but nothing worked…. It was inevitable that the Nutella would be all over my cheeks, my lips, my eyebrows, by the end. The routine emerged…..bite….wipe face…..bite….wipe face.
After tackling the bread I discovered that there was coffee. Unfortunately no milk, and not a fine example of the Italian barista tradition, but made up for extravagantly by the fact that it was served in soup bowls. One or two of these and I was well on my way to caffeine-injected wakefulness.

Last stop before we left was to make a sandwich…with the same somewhat alarming ingredients from the day before on the same unwashed plate. I don’t entirely trust things that seem on the surface to be meat, but can stay out of the fridge for a whole week without anything apparently happening. Particularly when they have names like ‘boterhamworst’, or are fluorescent magenta in tone.

This morning the lovely Aranea was to be our guide for the day, taking us around on a self-formulated tour of the city. First stop was the “Torino 2006” monument, built to celebrate the cities Olympic hosting. An interesting monument, somewhat let down by its position in the most dog-poo filled park in Italy. But nethertheless rather nice, when you angled your camera so that none of the local winos got into the photo. We took full advantage of it, posing for a group picture in front, to commemorate our own ‘Torino 2006’. Next stop was a piazza, complete with the naked people statues without which a city would not feel properly Italian. These were particularly nice ones….giantly naked. Made all the more impressive by their apparent ability to lounge in a gushing fountain in the nude without getting cold.

Another lovely piazza followed. There was a famous statue in the centre, but unfortunately they had put scaffolding all around it when they heard I was coming. No pessimist, I instead took arty-farty photos of the scaffolding. The plan was to have coffee in the famous piazza in ‘Café Torino’, but any good tourist knows that plans like these are doomed to failure. Or else will completely empty your wallet. Five-euro cappuccinos sent us scuttling on our way, to cheaper and less salubrious surroundings. But our plans of feeling classy while drinking our coffee were not entirely shattered, when further walking revealed the poor-man’s version of the piazza…with an equally pleasant and somewhat more affordable coffee menu. After a prolonged cappuccino experience our fantasy of being classy came to an end, and we were soon eating our chemical-filled sandwiches in Piazza Castellano (yet another piazza?)

The afternoon took us to the ‘Mole Antoniella’, the domed building with a big spike on top that features heavily in any Torino sky-line view. What the building is most famous for is a glass elevator straight out of Charlie and the chocolate factory, which takes you through the middle of the pantheon-like dome, unattached to the wall on any side. Of course the view of Torino you get from the top is also very nice… but the elevator is better!

Mole Antoniella also happens to contain an excellent film museum, in the style of “Disneyland does film”. Different sets around the building are showing different films, so you can lie on a giant bed and watch romance, sit in a cave and watch horror, or in a stylish bar and watch Casablanca. I got the giggles after rounding a corner and seeing Wilmer sitting on a floral couch, completely at home watching the television in a recreation of somebody’s grandmother’s lounge-room. They also have “the temple”, in the central hall of the domed building. Red chaise lounges abound, so you can lie on your back at the perfect angle to watch the huge projection screens above. Happily oblivious to all the people around you doing exactly the same. Built-in headphones are conveniently placed next to your ears, bringing the soundtrack to you. And the chairs are oh so comfortable.

I woke up some time later.

Unfortunately this short nap still did not prepare me adequately for our hour-long tour of the GAAM modern art museum. We were taken through the Piedmontese art section, with an entourage of five art security guards prowling around like bulldogs. It really was very nice of the young lady to give us a private tour. And I really was inspired by her passion for the subject. But after about two modern sculptures my eyes started rolling back in my head. So first I went and stood next to the wall. Then I leaned on the wall. Then I leaned my head on the wall.

Paranoid security guards leapt to attention. In my mind I saw the searchlights swinging round to where I stood.
“Excuse me, don’t lean on the wall”.
I hastily forced myself into vertical again. After my own private security guard had found a new infringement to occupy himself, I subtly examined the offending patch of wall. Was it a modern artwork? Maybe… but it looked an awful lot like a wall to me.
The next room contained a bench, to which the lucky ones who were first in the room swarmed. Sitting down proved to be a mistake however. First I leaned my elbows on my knees. Then I leaned my chin in my hand. Then the eyes started trying to shut again. Maureen took a photo of me where I appear to be critically evaluating the words of the art guide, but in reality I had only managed to open my eyes for one split second through sheer will power.

By the time we left the museum our appetites had woken a few people up, and some of us quickly retired to a Brek (translation: grab anything on a plate that looks nice and then pay at the counter). I feasted on what looked like a bowl of worms in dirt, but actually was short noodles in mushroom sauce. I caught a few dubious glances at my food but was unmoved, because it was so delicious. A stingy moment had left me without drink, and so I watched sadly as my tablemates consumed a bottle of wine. Guido had promised to go with me to the gelateria/chocolateria, and I quickly enrolled Koen and Aranea in this mission also. Even though Aranea is clearly not human, as she does not like chocolate.

But Guido had an endless committee meeting. Like small children whose mothers get ‘caught’ in a conversation, we shortly began to whine. Jiggling in our seats and all but tugging on his sleeve. “Guido …puh-lEEEEEEAAAAAASE!!”. But eventually our efforts were rewarded and we all became the proud owners of giant chocolate blocks and ice-cream cones.

Our efforts to find Quadrilatero Romano that night were in vain, it eluded our grasp. We found the piazza itself, but it appeared to be mysteriously empty. Wherever the Turinese hide their nightlife, they hide it well. Even given that it was a Sunday night. Disillusioned…we began the long walk back to the hostel, searching all the way for somewhere to drink. Our search was eventually fruitful, in a small bar that had expensive table service, but also doubled in a bottle shop. And they were the only place in the world that I’ve seen selling 1 litre cans of beer. We couldn’t believe our eyes. So everyone stocked up on novelty size beer cans, and we hastened back to the hostel.